Tagged with Amanda Holden

BREAKING NEWS:  Pan Man Heralds Age of the Super Human

BREAKING NEWS: Pan Man Heralds Age of the Super Human

It’s finally happened – Pan Man has exploded into the public eye, possibly damaging the public retina in the process…   Last nights Britain’s Got Talent 2012 provided the primetime stage as pan wielding performance prat Martyn Crofts warbled ‘King of the Road’, while glottally gobbling in order to sound like a Dalek. Larynx legend Martyn, employee … Continue reading

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

It has been revealed that an armed stalker managed to smash her way into Simon Cowell’s toilet area. The assailant – who had arms, hence my google friendly hyperbole within the title – allegedly managed to get into the superjudge’s bathroom on Saturday night. I’ll say from the off that any stalking, breaking and entering … Continue reading

Like a Monkey Riding a Pig…

Like a Monkey Riding a Pig…

Sadly, there was barely a glimpse of elusive Pan Man Martyn Crofts on Britain’s Got Talent 2012 tonight.  He was only spotted in the closing moments of the show, waddling off stage like a showbiz duck avoiding the shooting season…  He did appear for a brief few seconds in Britain’s Got More Talent, however, claiming … Continue reading

Britain’s Got a Pan on its Head

Britain’s Got a Pan on its Head

I think that I may have been a little disingenuous when it comes to Britain’s Got Talent and Martyn Crofts – the potentially infamous Pan Man. A few days ago I claimed that this year’s ITV talent show output – and Pan Man in particular – would herald the apocalypse.  On reflection, this line of reasoning was … Continue reading