Filed under Politics

LESBIANS BROKE MY T.V. AERIAL

LESBIANS BROKE MY T.V. AERIAL

Every fact you will ever need to know about Lesbian Tornadoes – and I don’t mean aircraft piloted by gay girls. Also contains damning evidence that God hates Lancashire, along with a video of Vicars doing a catwalk show. In other words, the usual HBNW drivel. *Some facts may be twisted. Continue reading

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Semi-Nude Politics!  It’s the Future!

Semi-Nude Politics! It’s the Future!

After reading the paper today, it’s become crystal clear to me that our politicians want to look like idiots.  Education Secretary Michael Gove is backing a plan to tackle truancy by recording the school attendance of three year olds…  who don’t actually have to take part in any formal education anyway.  Gove is looking to … Continue reading

Kerplunk: The Movie Gets the Green Light!

Kerplunk: The Movie Gets the Green Light!

Spring is here, and Hollywood FX departments are frantically putting the finishing touches to this year’s output of summer blockbusters.  Amongst this year’s crowd pleasing batch of avenging  superheroes, space jockeys and young girls kicking bottom in future dystopias comes the inevitable toy tie in movie… This year it’s the turn of the boardgame Battleship … Continue reading

My Murdochtastic Global Franchise

My Murdochtastic Global Franchise

It’s been just over a fortnight since HB/NW went live so it’s about time I expanded my global empire. Not content with providing top quality tat to all three of you, I’m about to ‘do a Murdoch’ – no, not bug your phone, talk drivel about you in a daily rag and/or hijack your favourite … Continue reading

Pastygate

Pastygate

Picture the scene – you’re a hard working person, slogging your guts out trying to make ends meet in a global recession.  You may even be a public sector worker in the Northern town of Crapsville,  suffering from frozen pay scales and a limp (Don’t worry – you have an NHS appointment to see a … Continue reading

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

It has been revealed that an armed stalker managed to smash her way into Simon Cowell’s toilet area. The assailant – who had arms, hence my google friendly hyperbole within the title – allegedly managed to get into the superjudge’s bathroom on Saturday night. I’ll say from the off that any stalking, breaking and entering … Continue reading

Budget: The Movie

Budget: The Movie

Huzzah!  It’s Budget time again – during which Chancellor George Osborne flabbergasts us with some fancy fiscal footwork while the Prime Minister sneaks behind and pickpockets all our loose change.  I’m trying to be all grown up by watching this year’s effort but it can hardly be called ‘event telly’.  The whole thing is just … Continue reading

Homosexuality is like Monster Munch…

Homosexuality is like Monster Munch…

I personally equate sexuality with potato or corn based snacks – there’s loads of different ways in which you can have it. To me, homosexuality is much like Monster Munch for example – it’s perfectly wholesome… many people adore it… but it all seems a bit too big to put in my mouth. Stretching the analogy to … Continue reading