Filed under Entertainment / Media / Showbiz

BREAKING NEWS:  Pan Man Heralds Age of the Super Human

BREAKING NEWS: Pan Man Heralds Age of the Super Human

It’s finally happened – Pan Man has exploded into the public eye, possibly damaging the public retina in the process…   Last nights Britain’s Got Talent 2012 provided the primetime stage as pan wielding performance prat Martyn Crofts warbled ‘King of the Road’, while glottally gobbling in order to sound like a Dalek. Larynx legend Martyn, employee … Continue reading

Semi-Nude Politics!  It’s the Future!

Semi-Nude Politics! It’s the Future!

After reading the paper today, it’s become crystal clear to me that our politicians want to look like idiots.  Education Secretary Michael Gove is backing a plan to tackle truancy by recording the school attendance of three year olds…  who don’t actually have to take part in any formal education anyway.  Gove is looking to … Continue reading

Kerplunk: The Movie Gets the Green Light!

Kerplunk: The Movie Gets the Green Light!

Spring is here, and Hollywood FX departments are frantically putting the finishing touches to this year’s output of summer blockbusters.  Amongst this year’s crowd pleasing batch of avenging  superheroes, space jockeys and young girls kicking bottom in future dystopias comes the inevitable toy tie in movie… This year it’s the turn of the boardgame Battleship … Continue reading

The Spud-U-Like Mediocre 5000

The Spud-U-Like Mediocre 5000

  I have finally decided to fully embrace the digital age by purchasing a smart phone – the Spud-U-Like Mediocre 5000 to be precise. Previously, I’ve had to rely on typewriters and pigeons – with a nagging wife in the place of preset alarm messages and a lute instead of the latest entertainment apps.  I … Continue reading

History is a Fickle Cow

History is a Fickle Cow

  As an HB/NW, I’m constantly depressed by how much press, recognition or outright fame that other members of my family manage to achieve.  Being mundane ‘normals’ – mere consumers of entertainment – they could take or leave the valuable HB/NW commodity of publicity, so it frustrates me no end when they seem to do better … Continue reading

My Murdochtastic Global Franchise

My Murdochtastic Global Franchise

It’s been just over a fortnight since HB/NW went live so it’s about time I expanded my global empire. Not content with providing top quality tat to all three of you, I’m about to ‘do a Murdoch’ – no, not bug your phone, talk drivel about you in a daily rag and/or hijack your favourite … Continue reading

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

ARMED WOMAN VIOLATES COWELL IN THE TOILET REGION

It has been revealed that an armed stalker managed to smash her way into Simon Cowell’s toilet area. The assailant – who had arms, hence my google friendly hyperbole within the title – allegedly managed to get into the superjudge’s bathroom on Saturday night. I’ll say from the off that any stalking, breaking and entering … Continue reading

The Voice – Marinaded in Nicejuice

The Voice – Marinaded in Nicejuice

Judged by a black eyed pea, an Irish scamp, a Pantene ProV advert and Aslan, The Voice is an experience that comes with a carefully crafted ‘positive spin’ on the talent show format.  Rather than taking the Britain’s Got Talent approach – turning up in a city, opening a Zoo and picking a few interesting … Continue reading