All signs suggest that Pan Man Martyn Crofts will appear on Britain’s Got Talent (BGT 2012) very soon.  He was spotted in last week’s coming soon trailer –  squawking Exterminate like an overzealous satnav with tourettes.

So let’s celebrate Pan Man as he attempts to mug Granny Zeitgeist!  Collected below, in chronological order, are all the HB/NW articles that concern the world’s leading Dalek impersonator…

Enjoy chewing on the best Pan Man Newscud that your internetz has to offer.

Check back here for updates to your Panmarathon and/or subscribe for further HB/NW wordsick…

Britain’s Got Talent Linked to Mayan Apocalypse

Will Pan Man herald the end of all things ? The science is all here. Read it and weep for all the unborn children of the globe.



Britain’s Got a Pan on its Head

A studious retraction of the above, possibly libellous apocalyptic vision in order to prevent Simon Cowell’s lawyers from ripping my spleen out. Metaphorically.



Like a Monkey riding a Pig…

Outlining my plan to ride on the back of Pan Man’s media success, just like that monkey rode that pig on youtube.




Like a Monkey Riding a Pig Riding a Monkey Riding a Pig

The inevitable sequel, with monkeys riding pigs in scenes reminiscent of The Human Centipede crossed with Animal Farm.



BREAKING NEWS: Pan Man Heralds Age of the Super Human

The moment has arrived!  As Pan Mans act hits prime time British TV, I postulate that he may have special powers…



Related Works…

The Voice – Marinaded in Nicejuice

In the interest of impartiality, I rip the proverbial out of Britain’s Got Talent competition The Voice

Armed Woman Violates Cowell in the Toilet Region.

A pan may have been involved… but the one you put your bum onto.



© Nova Amiko and The Has Been Who Never Was 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nova Amiko and The Has Been Who Never Was with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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