Damn! Damn and blast it! This whole thing is already getting too confusing.
I asked a few trusted associates to look over this blog and give me some creative advice. Unfortunately, the two replies I’ve received so far have held completely contradictory views on the visual style that you can see around you. One reader likes the purple swirls (representing my bruised inner ego after a lifetime of failure or, alternatively, a [media] whore’s bedroom) while my other advisor would prefer something that looks a little less like alien vomit. Now, whatever I decide to do, I run the risk of losing half of my Loyal And Official Fan Base…
I should have spent more time on the brand image – to be honest, I was having a celebratory ‘first blog’ drinky while designing the look last night and it all got a bit hazy towards the end.
The concept, broadly speaking (and I hope you’ll forgive me for giving you it in layman’s terms) is I Like Purple, coupled with I Want a Picture of Me Looking Sexy but I Only Have the Time and Energy to Snap Something in My Downstairs Toilet (Where the Lighting is Half Decent). I think I pretty much achieved what I set out to do there so I’m treating the marketing division of myself to a slap up grille and more booze tonight.
And, fair play to me, I’ve been far too busy developing my future life story to be concerned with brand issues. Most of my recent time has been spent carefully constructing easily accessible narrative arcs that will roughly form Season One of my existence from now on. No self respecting person nowadays should expect to be taken seriously unless their life has been ‘produced’ in some fashion – the twists and turns of destiny delicately shaped by a PR department or telly exec in order to make the main subject more interesting. It’s all about scripted reality, or dramality as some people are calling this new and upcoming genre.
This being Season One, please bear with me as I shave through some of the knots in this lovingly whittled stick of truthness. I’m in a prolific writing phase at the moment and the last time stuff was coming out of me this fast was when I had diarrhoea. (Now wash your hands!) I promise plenty of high points as a reward to those who are willing to look past the poo-pile and appreciate the polish in the coming weaks (sic).
Further seasons of my person have already been greenlit, in fact. Season two may end up with a new central character, as I may have decided that the current lead isn’t working. I’m aiming for at least five seasons overall, so that my life (or the life of whoever takes over) can be put into syndication. After that, I’ll be doing more seasons on the cheap after a successful internet campaign aimed at keeping me alive. The overall quality will plummet, however, and some of the more dramatic and/or convoluted events (helicopter rides and car chases) will have to be cut in favour of cheaper ‘talking heads’ type blogs. Season ten will be utter dross… all the best ideas will have been done before… but at least Season One Me will come back briefly to meet Seasons Two to Ten Me in a cameo during the closing episode. You know… something for the fans…
After my emotional farewell and, despite the variation in quality over the years, the whole ten seasons of HB/NW will subsequently be re-run ad infinitum on E4… which will no doubt keep the action figure line going.
All this comes with your help sir or madam. It’s only fan power that will keep ‘Me’ alive.
And with that statement, I have unwittingly stumbled upon a truism applicable to a great many within the entertainment industry.
© Nova Amiko and The Has Been Who Never Was 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nova Amiko and The Has Been Who Never Was with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.